1. Make sure you have one.
There is a difference between a strong-willed child and
a weak-willed parent.
2. If you
have a strong-willed child, you are not to blame for the
temperament with which your child was born. He is simply a tough
kid to handle, and your task is to rise to the challenge.
3. He is in greater
danger because of his inclination to test the limits and scale
the walls. If you say something is true, your child says,
"Maybe, maybe not. I want to experience it for
myself." Your strong-willed child will call your bluff.
Your utmost diligence and wisdom will be required to deal with
him.
4. If you fail to
understand his lust for power and independence, you can exhaust
you resources and bog down in guilt. Exhaustion and guilt will
benefit no one.
5. If it is not already too
late, by all means, take charge of your babies. Hold tightly to
the reins of authority in the early days, and build an attitude
of respect during your brief window of opportunity. You will
need every ounce of "awe" you can get during the years
to come. Once you have established your right to lead, begin to
let go systematically, year by year.
6. A strong-willed child
likes to help make decisions. When possible give your child
choices. "Would you like to have a chocolate chip cookie or
strawberry ice cream?" Give them projects in which they can
take charge, like planning the family vacation. A strong-willed
child doesn't want to control you; he just wants you to allow
him some control.
7. A strong-willed child
will only comply with rules or laws when they make sense. Give
them a solid reason for a rule.
8. A strong-willed child
wants to feel unique and special. He does not want to be
ordinary. He struggles against the confines of traditions and
conformity.
9. Stay on your child's
team, even when it appears to be a losing team. You'll
have the rest of your life to enjoy mutual fellowship if you
don't overreact to frustration now.
10. Don't panic, even
during the storms of adolescence. Better times are ahead. A
radical turnaround usually occurs in the early 20s.
11. Give him time to find
himself, even if he appears not to be searching.
12. Most importantly, I
urge you to hold your children before the Lord in fervent prayer
throughout their years at home. I am convinced that there is no
other source of confidence and wisdom in parenting. There is not
enough knowledge in the books to counteract the evil that
surrounds our kids today. We must bathe them in prayer every day
of their lives. The God who made our children will hear
your petitions. He has promised to do so. After all, He loves
them more than you do.
Concepts taken from James Dobson (Focus on the
Family)
and from Cynthia Tobias (The Way They Learn)
